so… i was really excited about the fact that my aunt wanted to go to church with me… until i realized she didn’t. when i asked her again three days ago to make sure that we were going, my mom immediately objected to the idea, to the apparent relief of my aunt. i’ve been really bummed about this, and even angry with God at a certain point. this is a lot harder than i thought it was going to be. i thought i was just back in taiwan for a vacation, and evangelizing “on the side.” but i realized it’s not that easy. God has provided me with lots of opportunities for conversations, but people are only willing to listen, not to accept. it’s the worldview of relativism. “you believe this. that’s great, that can be your truth, but i’m not gonna have anything to do with it.” i kept thinking i had time to change their hearts, but time flew by, and now i only have a week. and i’ve been talking to my aunt on msn since my freshman year, and at one point she even “accepted” Jesus into her life… but she was like the seed that fell on a rock– she sprouted briefly but faded away immediately. why is it easier for some people to just accept God’s salvation, and so tough and impossible for others?

‘finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might. put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. for we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places’ (ephesians 6:10-12). i will not despair. God is crazy for using me to fight His battle, but He promises that He will be my strength. i feel weary, but i will take up the shield of faith, with which i can extingish all the flaming darts from the evil one (eph. 6:16). thank God for roshni, who pulled this passage out as soon as i told her about my predicament. please pray for taiwan? i don’t know what to do next…

so my cousin lora and i got a manicure today! it was the first time for the both of us!!

this is mine… the angle kind of sucks, but it’s just little white flowers =)

you can’t really see, but lora’s has flowers with red centers. lora’s boyfriend “caju” insisted that we took the 2nd picture.

and of course, while we’re enjoying getting our fingernails all prettied up, the boyfriend is off…. snoozing =P

and finally, as sight you will only see in taiwan:

yes, that’s a pig… inside the car O_o

my aunt is going to sunday service with me next sunday!!! please pray for her!!!

i love my family. but it’s kind of hard to live with them… money always seems to be the reason for grief and conflict. why?? why do we let it rule over us??? God, please don’t let me become a person gripped by the power of money. let me always have the strength to say that  i serve God, not mammon.

in other news, my cousins took me karoaking yesterday!!! it was fun =) most of the songs they sang i didn’t know though, so i ended up just watching the music videos for most of them. but it got a little tedious after awhile, because… all of the songs were about love– specifically, about break-ups, betrayal, and resignment. it made me depressed after awhile, hahaha. my conclusion is, our society no longer believes in love, and  yet they still worship love. they pine after love, all they ever sing about is love, about lost love, about betrayed love, about love and  hate. how paradoxically hopeless and depressing. admittedly i don’t have quite as much experience as any of these singers and songwriters, but i believe there is a love that lasts that we can believe in. i believe this because i know a guy who has such a big heart, who spoils me and seems to have unlimited patience and forgiveness for me, in such a way that eerily and repeatedly reminds me of God’s love for me. i’m so grateful to have him as a boyfriend. i believe wholeheartedly in love. i believe in the love that saved me and is continually saving me from the depths of hell, the love that i’m learning over and over again in all shapes and forms, but always from the same source– the cross. and i love because He first loved me when i had nothing. i believe in the love of Jesus Christ.

love never fails. c’mon people, believe it! <3

sooo.. it’s been kinda crazy being back here in taiwan. things have definitely changed, whether for the better or for the worse  i really don’t know. i still haven’t gotten to see all my cousins, which kind of makes me sad how far apart everyone has grown, and how unwilling they are to create that unity we had when i was a kid… but oh well. seeing how everyone has grown and aged– marriage, child-bearing, work, illnesses, retirement– has made me realize even more how much human life is like a vapor… how much my life is like a vapor. i remember in psychology (or was it bioethics?) that teenagers have this mentality where they think they’re invincible. i think i’m still in that mentality, but slowly phasing out. being back here, revisiting the memories has made me realize how fleeting each moment really is, and how quickly we lose things without even realizing until it’s too late… wow. kind of depressing. but i don’t know if that’s what i meant for it to be. either way, it’s a new “worldview” i suppose.

so i learned a little bit more about myself this morning… and how i should probably reconsider being a physician assistant (i’m half kidding). we had to wake up early to visit my granduncles, and i was still half asleep and accidentally slammed my hand into the tissue cover in the bathroom– it took off a thick layer of skin from my right index finger O.o it was disgusting. i was most puzzled by the fact that in the middle of the wound was a white patch of flesh, instead of the bloodiness on the periphery. either way, i tried to proceed to brush my teeth, but i ended up getting soooooo nauseated just thinking about/looking at it, that i had to go lie down for a bit… and i actually started hyperventilating when i lied down… i never hyperventilate!! this is disturbing if i still want to be a physician assistant. but then i remember i had a similar reaction when i watched the people in my lab perform surgery on baby rats last summer… and i eventually got over it as we did it every week. so mebbe– hopefully– this is something i will get used to?? i should volunteer at the ER this summer. maybe. =P

little fob is going back to taiwan!!! =D

i’m so nervous! mainly about the flight, because i’ve never flown anywhere internationally by myself.. but this will be fun!! please pray for me and my relatives, for my time with them to be Christ-honoring and that i will have the opportunity to share God’s love with them!!

God is showing me how to fix my eyes on Him– through Jesus, of course. it’s obvious, it’s easy to say, but definitely not easy to do… not by myself, anyway. He has been doing many things to keep my thoughts on the cross, and not so much on sin. i’ve been struggling so much with sin this year, and that’s where all my attention was: how to fix my own brokenness, how to resist sinning, how to overlook/forgive the sins of others– oh, how we’re all humans filled with sin, sin, SIN! i stopped preaching the gospel to myself (at least to my heart; i might review it mechanically in my head over and over), and i forgot about the GOOD NEWS. i was stuck there with sin, beating myself up, beating everyone else up, for our humanity. i couldn’t let go of it, i was held captive by the burden of sin.

last sunday, pastor house delivered a passionate sermon addressing our complacency– how we should be living if we took God seriously. to be honest, i’ve heard quite enough sermons concerning this topic, and i’ve always walked out feeling more guilty everytime. but this time it was different. God showed me a different perspective to approach it. in the middle of the message, pastor house painted a vivid picture of the crucifixion for us, the amount of pain and sacrifice Jesus went thorugh to bear our sin. it was our sin. but here’s the focus: Jesus died for us to reconcile us to Hims. God Himself bore all of our iniquities. what we should be looking at is Jesus, not our sin. i shouldn’t have been counting my sins, evaluating my worth as a result of sin. that was so off track, so not the point. instead, i should’ve been focused on the blood of Jesus spilt out of love for us, the pain that my sin causes Him. that should’ve been the motivation for sanctification all along: not that abstaining from sin would make me a better person, more worthy of anything, but that it would please God, our Savior who loves us SO MUCH that He willingly came among us, stooped to our level, let us mock Him with our sins, died to make up for those very sins, so that we are able to enjoy His kingdom and inheritance, and have the honor of knowing and loving Him. our biggest problem has already been solved for us on the cross! what a gift! what freedom we know!

how frustrating it is that i have to keep learning and relearning this seemingly simple concept over and over again! but how sweet it is to taste it anew every single time!! how great is our God!

turn your eyes upon Jesus
look full in His wonderful face
and the things of earth will grow strangely dim
in the light of His glory and grace.

i really do believe it.

i realized today that i really love God… okay that sounds bad. what i mean to say is, i haven’t felt very “spiritual” in a very long time, and i didn’t do very much to change that. but today the image of His love for us– the cross– was so clearly carved out for me.. and i realized that i have neglected to preach the gospel to myself. i forgot the blood He had spilt on the cross for me, and the grace that i had recieved and am still receiving from the most patient Father ever. i love Him. i really do love Him. i love how we have a God that even an atheist would proclaim to love. He’s irresistable. it’s just that i’ve let my disappointment in His people rule over my emotions and actions. there is no fruit in my life right now, just anger and defiance. i’ve let that blind me to the fact that God is still sovereign and GOOD above all these things.. that Jesus died for every one of us. no one’s better than me, and i am no better than anyone else, but He counted us worthy to enter and taste the glory of His kingdom. i wish i could stop staring at the ugly and unjust things here at the ground level, here in the human world, letting them take captive of my heart. it’s a wound of a size that only God could heal. but He is not pleased with my life right now, and i have no excuse.

i was just youtube surfing the other day, looking for some old chinese songs and lyrics (i don’t really remember why.. i think i was trying to reconnect with my taiwanese-ness, seeing that i’ll be going back this summer…!!!). anywho, amazingly i just randomly came across this video… and was definitely infinitely blessed by it.

it’s an amazing testimony of faith, love, and a life lived for the glory of Christ. the lady shares the story of her husband, who was diagnosed with sinus cancer a mere week after their wedding. as tragic and frustrating as their story is, it is sooooo clear how God was using their marriage to glorify Himself and show people His love. please watch this if you have time. i know you’ll be blessed by it too. the lady speaks in a combination of english, mandarin, and cantonese. the videos have both chinese and english subtitles, so you won’t be lost =) enjoy!

part 2
part 3
part 4
part 5

i wonder what my response would be to this kind of situation, whether from the wife’s perspective or the husband’s… i don’t think i have enough faith. =\

i choose to believe the bible because it is a reliable collection of historical documents written down by eye witnesses during the life time of other eye witnesses that report supernatural events which took place in fulfillment of specific prophecies and claim to be divine rather than human in origin.

2 peter 1:16-21

the best spontaneous decision i’ve made (well, ok, mike and i’ve made) ever! meet my new furry baby… puck!
 he is such an adorable little ball of fur! we bought him on saturday, and he’s been residing in my room ever since! i’ve been a rather annoying owner, i must confess. i’d come home from class, very paranoid about leaving him by himself, thinking that he had died by some freak accident. and then i’d poke him in his sleep to make sure he wasn’t dead. *sigh* i wish hamsters weren’t nocturnal animals. someone suggested to me today that, to make a hamster bond with you, you must show him clearly that you are the one providing food for him. so i took the food away from him and tried to feed him from my hand.. i think he became rather resentful of that and slept away some of his frustrations after the stressful encounter. *sigH* i hope he likes meeeee!!!

i’ve been getting allergic reactions every night. i don’t know if it’s the spring time, or the fact that my room now probably has a thousand pieces of hamster fur floating around.. who knows?either way, i love this little guy. <3

 

he eats soooo much! (getting fatter by the day!!)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

and he sleeps so much!!